The Riffing Academy

START HERE: All summaries, ratings and content descriptors can be accessed from this page.

For the sake of anyone navigating this blog, here's everything produced on this DW in a list of entries. This will always be growing as I keep riffing stuff, so check back here often to see what the latest is!

Everything is going to be separated by ratings, with a short description of what each rating means. I'll number everything as I go, so don't be weirded out if you see scrambled numbers down there in the future. Fics are given an overall rating which represents the hardest they throw. Remember to study the ratings in each fic's TOC before you click on a link, people!

( The Big List )

[We open on the Campus Center’s café. Gio, Sherry and Peorth sitting with Ricky, and a face that’s new to Peorth: Joseph Scalabroni, pale, tall Italian boy with a ladykiller’s face, black shoulder-length hair and a sort of brooding look in his dark eyes. He has an enticing look in them that could easily drive a girl to comfort him. Those eyes wander, though, which is why he can’t help but look Peorth up and down as the Superstars seem to be going over something with her…]

Gio: So, lemme get this straight: the terms of the wish mean any one of us can have ya on our side, long as it’s gotta do with Heaven, not necessarily us?

Peorth: Oui, comme on l’a dit. An expert like myself, to mean me, is to provide “us,” which for the purposes of granting the wish, can be extended to your closest associates as well as the two of you, with assistance in Heavenly matters. With the Yggdasil-adjacent situation your Academy seems to find itself in, a more, shall we say, direct hand than the typical goddess’ touch is required here. Besides, I have seen monsieur O’Day in action here, and any friend of his can certainly try to be a friend of mine.

Joe: *looking upon Peorth, trying not to leer* And believe me, I’ll try!

[Gio and Sherry snicker, Ricky nudges Joe, who backs off a bit]

Ricky: Sorry, ma’am, Gio and Sherry don’t know where Joe’s off switch is. I don’t think I’ve found it yet, either.

Peorth: Oh, I’ll manage.

[Gio and Sherry get up and start walking off.]

Gio: Well, fellas, don’t do anything I wouldn’t!

Joe: Aw, where’s the fun in that?

[Ricky and Joe see Gio and Sherry off.]

( Sent Straight From Clown College )
***
( The Worst Red Nose Day Ever Begins )
***
Joe: You think maybe this is supposed to be where the title card would go, if this was supposed to be a slasher movie?

Ricky: Perhaps, but where are we supposed to find one of those and jam it in the fic?

Peorth: Lucky for you, I happen to be here!

[Peorth rapid-fires an echoing incantation, and roses and thorny vines spring forth, writing "Coulrophobia" in massive, rococo script...right onto Ricky and Joe]

Joe: Auugh! My back!

Ricky: How are roses this heavy?!

Joe: Thanks a load, lady!

[Peorth whirls around and tries to flee the scene. Ricky and Joe squirm out from under the mass of roses and tear after the goddess at full sprint]

[We open on Heart Straight poking around the campus center, being led into a sublevel by Gio. They snake down a flight of stairs and into a fairly dimly-lit hallway. There’s an air of secrecy to the trip, something oddly illicit about the whole affair. Everyone feels obligated to talk quietly and bunch together a bit.]

Aurora: First Sherry Vivaldi, and now her legendary boyfriend. My, the Riffing Academy truly is a gathering place for heroes, now, isn’t it?

Gio: Heh. Got that right. How’d ya like your first taste of doin’ a show like this?

Shiori: What do you think? Everything’s better when it’s better-managed. So, uh…why the secrecy?

Norte: Yeah, it kind of feels like you’re sneaking us around the Academy. Should we be worried?

Rain: When it’s Star Caliber? I don’t think so.

( Yet Another Underground Venue )

Aurora: Last time on Gunkatsu 1: A Bunch of Words and Letters We Can’t Bother Remembering…

Rain: In a time and place just like our own, someone moved a chair. This created a bizarre alternate universe where instead of Otome Arisugawa, Aoi Kiriya won the Starlight Queen Cup and immediately let it get to her head. Well, not really, but the fact that nobody mentioned that renaming the Starlight Queen Palace to reflect the current Starlight Queen is a tradition afforded to the victor just makes it sound like Aoi’s going on a power trip.

Norte: The price Aoi pays for unlocking her alternate story route is victor’s remorse, since she is immediately bothered by the idea that she stole Ichigo’s dream by winning or something, never mind that Ichigo herself lost anyway and is still easily recognized as an undisputed top idol without winning the Starlight Queen Cup, but whatever. I guess since it hasn’t happened yet, nobody would have figured that was possible.

Shiori: Anyway, Aoi moons over Ichigo, until the fic barges in, mentioning that not only is Dream Academy a thing, and a successful thing at that, but they’re also a violent thing. Orihime and Johnny practically try to beat them to the violence when they immediately guess that a giant hangar DreAca has on site must be for some kind of weapon, for which they had a Gundam made for Aoi – a freak of nature that has the synch rate of an Eva Unit, the looks of a Gundam from the 00 series, and the controls of a Mobile Fighter from G Gundam. Because I guess while we’re buying Ducatis and commissioning custom coords, that’s what other idols do with their megastar money.

Norte: Luckily for them, they turn out to be right, since it means they aren’t crazy warmongers who want to blow up their competition with a mobile suit, just that they want to blow up their competition with a mobile suit because the other guy started it. Unluckily for them, it turns out DreAca student Seira Otoshiro isn’t just a casual trespasser who invites herself to Starlight Academy just to trash talk their champion, but an ace Gundam pilot who folds Aoi like a cheap phone before Ichigo shows up randomly having a Gundam of her own which she must have piloted straight from America.

Aurora: Too bad she didn’t show up in Maxter Gundam or something. Ah well – and now, our story continues.
***
( Aikatsuuuuuux )
***
Shiori: Okay, you know what? That one whetted my appetite. We’ve gotta do something nice for these Academy guys before the fic finishes. What do you say?

Rain: I’m feeling it! But, before we do, I think there’s some business we have to attend to, right?

Norte: Oh, yeah. Back to Bootleggers, ladies!

Aurora: Oh, this should be fun…

[Gunkatsu] Aikatsu ∀0 Season 01 ~Harmonics KIRIYA~

By TheHarunate

RATING: PG-13 Disturbing thematic material involving war, scary images and violence throughout – all involving teens

Alternate Title: Mobile Coord Gunkatsu AKA The Worst-Chosen Tagline Ever

“In this idol world, there is no God!”

Yeah, with a tagline like that, you can tell this is gonna be one of those ones where the jokes just fall ripe from the branches. About this fic, mind you, not exactly the franchise it represents. Let’s start from there, shall we? Yeah, with a crash course in Aikatsu.

( Luckily for me, comedy is aikatsu, too )

( Table of Contents )

[We open on the riffers right outside the theaters, looking expectantly at Keiichi, looking him up and down. Gio and Sherry are watching him closely, Belldandy and Peorth are off to the side, confused as Bell leans forward for a better look while Peorth stands up straight with her hands behind her back, and Delia has joined the others, studying Keiichi especially intently]

Keiichi: Are you guys done?

Delia: You can’t just call time on an important development like this!

Keiichi: *rolling his eyes* Come on, you know that’s not how it works! What happens in one of these fanfics does not suddenly happen out here!

( John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon )

Gio: Anyway…let’s polish off another chapter. Last time on Ah! The Archangel…

Belldandy: After establishing that Keiichi can be tracked by heat-seeking missiles, Kyyteo arrived as the fic changed his name to Kevin. …that’s it, actually. Well, that’s not everything: Keiichi used whatever Archenergy happens to be in order to protect himself from these missiles, and I think that’s what we should be leaving off on from here! I wonder where this fic is meant to go with that information?

Sherry: No time to find out like the present!
***
( zombie goasts leave this place )
***
Gio: That tears it, yo! Kei, Imma give ya the training in the magic arts this fic dangled in front of your face! C’mon, man, let’s hit the archives!

[Gio takes Keiichi by the hand and leads him off.]

Keiichi: Whoa, whoa! Are you sure you can cram this in between chapters?!

Gio: Watch me!

[We open on Gio and Sherry in one of the Academy theater lobbies, looking at a flat screen TV with some peculiar, toyetic additions attached to the back and poking up to be visible from the front, sort of like if someone used modern wireless hardware to emulate the old-school bunny-ears look of a CRT television.]

Gio: She said this’d work, right?

Sherry: I think. Gosh, it’s so weird looking at a video phone that’s just, like…off…before a call comes in.

[At that point, Peorth finds her way over, having overheard the two.]

Peorth: A video phone?

[The two turn to look at her, Gio nods.]

( Live From Similar To But Legally Distinct From Deep 13 )

***
( It’s a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my sister defeat the enemys )
***
Sherry: I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that!

Gio: Right? I thought this was gonna be more like the last one!

Peorth: This mec really is clueless! We’re going to have to go into detail as we go on…

[We open on a night set. Our heroes are busy helping the grips as Sherry guides Belldandy through a scene with Keiichi. The runway’s been set up to look like a street with apartments and shops, all just pretty facades, but the cameras aren’t seeing the scene’s bad side, and there are no internal shots, so it doesn’t matter. Everything receives a constant dousing from rain sticks carefully hidden from the cameras’ sight in a very professional production.

The scene starts with a moody shot of Keiichi walking down the street, lit by streetlamps and storefront after storefront. His leathers are reflective and slick with rain. Belldandy steps into the scene in an immaculate white coat, a ways behind Keiichi…]

( Hit the showers, everyone )
***
( HENSHIN AGAIN-SHIN! )
***
Peorth: Right, everyone, we’re nearing the end of the first story in this double feature!

Gio: Sheesh. That one was rough!

Delia: It’s got to get a little easier, if not just faster, from here.

Sherry: Careful, that could just be a sign of going downhill…

[We open on…the Norns, Keiichi and Peorth, with Gio, Delia and Sherry nowhere in sight]

Urd: Well, this doesn’t fill me with confidence.

Skuld: *turning to Peorth* How does this fit into the wish those riffers made, anyway? Wasn’t it to help them?

[Peorth nods, straightens up her back and turns up her nose a bit, as if it’s a dumb question, and clears her throat]

Peorth: Well, that little episode with the Spirit Bomb pastiche last chapter wasn’t the first encounter we’ve had with this Academy unlocking powers not too dissimilar to our own. As per the wish, I am the appointed expert in matters of the divine or anything Yggdrasil-esque about this Academy, ergo, if I can help them navigate things such as, say, excusing themselves to their extensive library to understand why they’re involuntarily learning our style of magic, then being their substitute as well as a co-riffer is perfectly fine. I mean…the System Force isn’t dragging me off or contriving some reason for me to call the riff, is that not wrong?

[Everybody mumbles their assent nonverbally]

Urd: Alright, you got us there.

( The Gods Must Be A-Listers )
***
( HENSHIN! )
***
Urd: Look at them. Have you ever seen a sadder sight?

[Skuld sighs as everyone watches Kei and Bell embracing one another, stumbling away, looking totally defeated as they walk through puddles that Belldandy’s jealousy storm have obviously left in their wake]

Belldandy: *close to tears* Keiichi, don’t ever leave me…

Keiichi: *ditto* I want to stay by your side, forever…

[We open on the riffers at the Academy’s main runway, where Gio and Keiichi are going through a recreation of a legendary action scene: the storm drain chase from Terminator 2: Judgment Day. They look like they’ve been at this for a while, with only Belldandy standing straight and alert. Delia’s looking at a monitor with a hood over it for editing under sunlight, hunched forward and frazzled, Sherry is trying not to slouch, struggling to match Belldandy’s poise. Peorth is watching Gio scream past on a very fast 2-stroke supermoto, followed by Keiichi in full Terminator battle rattle and caressing a Harley Fatboy, simply switching to a black shirt under his leather jacket to dress the part.

It becomes apparent exactly why the girls are all losing so much patience: Gio and Keiichi speed past the last segment in the stunt, then stop. There’s a pregnant pause. A very pregnant pause, long enough that the boys flip down their kickstands and kill the engines, then look back with a dismayed expression as they wait for a battered semi-truck to trundle up to them, nowhere near their pace.]

Peorth: *sighing* Slower.

[Everyone groans, Gio slumps over his handlebars and Keiichi straightens up, and a stuntman in the semi falls forward in his seat, slapping the steering wheel]

( I need your clothes, your boots, and your patience )
***
( This isn’t your DAD’S Ah! My Goddess! It’s not your uncle’s either )
***
Keiichi: Great. So this guy thinks he’s The Cooler Me, and Belldandy just rolls over for him like we meant nothing. *nodding to Belldandy* Now I think I know how you felt back when Mara and Senbee ran wild on campus!

Gio: Man, ain’t it convenient you don’t know the magic for that?

Delia: Could you imagine? Just getting all hot and bothered and just…

[With a twirl, Delia throws out her right hand and catches a golden staff longer than she is tall, tipped with a large boom mic that she waves back and forth in a delicate dance. Pixies, golden fairy-winged afterimages that look like Delia but made of yellow light, start following her and begin a dance, drawing rain clouds over the group. Rain begins to fall, kicking up mist and surrounding the riffers in rainbows]

Delia: Never mind. Who could stay unhappy if they could do this?

[Everyone realizes Belldandy has disappeared from the group, now trailing behind them with a face painted over with embarrassment]

Peorth: …and why do you look so guilty right now?

The Ah! My BAMF Double Feature

Ah! My Goddess being a super long runner, a classic manga and anime, and, well, about exactly what you’d think, it attracts all kinds of fanfic authors who decide the power levels on display make it the perfect playground. You know, that’s true, if you’re clever, you can make an OC who fits into the colorful cosmology Kosuke Fujishima cooked up.

Or you can use it as an excuse to just roll up a Gary Stu playing with literal deities and slam it against the setting until something breaks. Here’s two of these brave test pilots who took the journey and came up scrap, and this riff will be picking through the wreckage. This joins these two short fics together to make one double feature.


Feature 1: Oh My Goddess Knight!

By Dragonmaster TC

RATING: PG Mild action, Mild disturbing thematic material

Alternate Title: Kamen Rider Nornz

The first of these stories is actually one that’s got a little history with the Riffing Academy – history which was erased after I chose to remove my original blog from its first location. Not only were my backups no longer present on my computer, but, well…it also wasn’t very good. Nothing short of a good rewrite of the riff will fix this, so here’s that rewrite.

Riff of what, exactly? Well…

( HENSHIN! )

( Table of Contents )


Feature 2: Ah! The Archangel

By Kevingcat

RATING: PG Action

Alternate Title: Ah! My Full Life Consequences

As for this, it’s a new fic which I’ve found with much the same energy. It’s similar, but slightly different. Just how slightly? Very slightly. Instead of giving Belldandy a new boyfriend, they give her a new family member. Meet John Dandy, who is Belldandy’s brother, or as the fic calls him, Kyyteo, or as he’s swiftly called…Kevin.

Yeah, there’s a reason this was a double feature.

( its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences )

( Table of Contents )